am often asked who I think should play Cece Caruso in
the movie. This is a purely academic question since
there is no movie -- not yet, at least -- and in any
case, I am stumped. So I figure it's time to put the
question to you, my gentle readers:
Who should play Cece Caruso?
Cast your ballots now!
While Mrs Roberts was pregnant with little Julia, she
and her husband ran an acting school for children in
Decatur, Georgia. The children of Martin Luther King,
Jr and Coretta Scott King attended the school. As a
thank-you for their service, Mrs King paid the hospital
bill when Mrs Roberts gave birth to Julia. Food for
Julia Roberts’ net worth is 140 million dollars.
This does not qualify her to play Cece Caruso, but it
does mean she could star in as well as produce the film.
Legend has it that when the beauty from Smyrna went
to the hospital to give birth to her twins, Phinnaeous
and Hazel, she brought two books with her: Jenna Jameson’s
How to Make Love Like a Porn Star and my own I Dreamed
I Married Perry Mason. This does not qualify her to
play Cece Caruso either, but it is similarly worth noting.
I have a friend who has seen Pretty Woman (1990) at
least 50 times, but I prefer Mrs. Moder in her melodramatic
roles. These include Sleeping with the Enemy (1991),
in which she is an abused wife who escapes her demented
husband and finds love in a small town with Kevin Anderson;
and the tear-jerking Stepmom (1998), in which a terminally
ill Susan Sarandon must pass the torch to her ill-equipped
but fetching successor. You can download a free knitting
pattern for the stylish knit cap Julia wears in the
film at www.knittingonthenet.com
Born Miriam Spickler in Coral Gables, Florida. A controversial
figure, the former Mrs. Tom Cruise is credited with
introducing her younger then-husband to Scientology.
Famed for her voluptuous physique, Mimi gave an outstanding
performance in a Michael Tolkin film nobody saw, The
Rapture (1991), and was suitably sultry in a film nobody
remembers, Someone to Watch Over Me (1987). She was
fully nude for virtually the entire 93 minutes of Full
Body Massage (1995), which no one I’ve ever heard
of has seen. I had her in mind as a physical type when
I created Cece, though I have no idea if she’s
Italian. Also a problem is the fact that she has never
displayed a sense of humor or any comic timing whatsoever
over the course of her career. She is, however, an excellent
poker player. In July 2006, she finished in the money
(33rd place) at the $1000 Ladies' No-Limit Hold 'em
World Series of Poker event, winning $5,132.
Mary Louise Parker
An Emmy, Tony and Golden Globe-winning actress, Mary
Louise hails from Fort Jackson, South Carolina, and
is currently enjoying a starring role in the cable TV
series, Weeds, which I have never seen as I didn’t
spring for Showtime. I do know it is about a pot-dealing
soccer mom, an idea I find appealing purely on an intellectual
level. Mary Louise endured a recent public scandal,
but emerged with her dignity intact—a lesson to
us all. Her then-boyfriend, an effeminate actor with
the unfortunate name of Billy Crudup, left her when
she was 7 months pregnant to take up with a younger
actress, Claire Danes, who has won no awards whatsoever.
The beautiful Mary Louise is the right physical type
and age to play Cece (42, but with Botox, etc., can
play a bit younger).
An avid golfer, Tea's real name is Elizabeth Tea Pantaleoni.
Her father was a lawyer, her mother a nutritionist.
Tea went to Brearley, a prominent private all-girls
school on New York City's Upper East Side, and later
dropped out of Sarah Lawrence College so she could travel
to Japan, where she taught businessmen how to relate
to American women.
The first role Tea won was in the ill-fated Angels ’88
(a Charlie’s Angels spin-off that never made it
to the air due to a writer’s strike). By the time
she hit it big with the sitcom The Naked Truth, Tea
was being hailed as a queen of physical comedy, a latter-day
Lucille Ball. There is no question that Tea could handle
Cece’s pratfalls and outrageous behavior. See
the David O. Russell film, Flirting with Disaster (1996)
for further evidence. Tea is married to X-Files star
David Duchovny. Of their years together, she has said,
“I feel better. I feel hornier. I feel more womanly
and more accomplished and prouder.” Isn’t
I’m throwing her in because some friends of mine
who are in T.V. insist she is a genius, and awfully
nice to boot. So maybe. She could get hair extensions
and wear falsies. It’s been known to happen in