Who should play Cece Caruso?

I am often asked who I think should play Cece Caruso in the movie. This is a purely academic question since there is no movie -- not yet, at least -- and in any case, I am stumped. So I figure it's time to put the question to you, my gentle readers:

Who should play Cece Caruso?

Cast your ballots now!

Julia Roberts
While Mrs Roberts was pregnant with little Julia, she and her husband ran an acting school for children in Decatur, Georgia. The children of Martin Luther King, Jr and Coretta Scott King attended the school. As a thank-you for their service, Mrs King paid the hospital bill when Mrs Roberts gave birth to Julia. Food for thought.
Julia Roberts’ net worth is 140 million dollars. This does not qualify her to play Cece Caruso, but it does mean she could star in as well as produce the film. Legend has it that when the beauty from Smyrna went to the hospital to give birth to her twins, Phinnaeous and Hazel, she brought two books with her: Jenna Jameson’s How to Make Love Like a Porn Star and my own I Dreamed I Married Perry Mason. This does not qualify her to play Cece Caruso either, but it is similarly worth noting.

I have a friend who has seen Pretty Woman (1990) at least 50 times, but I prefer Mrs. Moder in her melodramatic roles. These include Sleeping with the Enemy (1991), in which she is an abused wife who escapes her demented husband and finds love in a small town with Kevin Anderson; and the tear-jerking Stepmom (1998), in which a terminally ill Susan Sarandon must pass the torch to her ill-equipped but fetching successor. You can download a free knitting pattern for the stylish knit cap Julia wears in the film at www.knittingonthenet.com


Mimi Rogers

Born Miriam Spickler in Coral Gables, Florida. A controversial figure, the former Mrs. Tom Cruise is credited with introducing her younger then-husband to Scientology. Famed for her voluptuous physique, Mimi gave an outstanding performance in a Michael Tolkin film nobody saw, The Rapture (1991), and was suitably sultry in a film nobody remembers, Someone to Watch Over Me (1987). She was fully nude for virtually the entire 93 minutes of Full Body Massage (1995), which no one I’ve ever heard of has seen. I had her in mind as a physical type when I created Cece, though I have no idea if she’s Italian. Also a problem is the fact that she has never displayed a sense of humor or any comic timing whatsoever over the course of her career. She is, however, an excellent poker player. In July 2006, she finished in the money (33rd place) at the $1000 Ladies' No-Limit Hold 'em World Series of Poker event, winning $5,132.


Mary Louise Parker

An Emmy, Tony and Golden Globe-winning actress, Mary Louise hails from Fort Jackson, South Carolina, and is currently enjoying a starring role in the cable TV series, Weeds, which I have never seen as I didn’t spring for Showtime. I do know it is about a pot-dealing soccer mom, an idea I find appealing purely on an intellectual level. Mary Louise endured a recent public scandal, but emerged with her dignity intact—a lesson to us all. Her then-boyfriend, an effeminate actor with the unfortunate name of Billy Crudup, left her when she was 7 months pregnant to take up with a younger actress, Claire Danes, who has won no awards whatsoever. The beautiful Mary Louise is the right physical type and age to play Cece (42, but with Botox, etc., can play a bit younger).


Tea Leoni

An avid golfer, Tea's real name is Elizabeth Tea Pantaleoni. Her father was a lawyer, her mother a nutritionist. Tea went to Brearley, a prominent private all-girls school on New York City's Upper East Side, and later dropped out of Sarah Lawrence College so she could travel to Japan, where she taught businessmen how to relate to American women.

The first role Tea won was in the ill-fated Angels ’88 (a Charlie’s Angels spin-off that never made it to the air due to a writer’s strike). By the time she hit it big with the sitcom The Naked Truth, Tea was being hailed as a queen of physical comedy, a latter-day Lucille Ball. There is no question that Tea could handle Cece’s pratfalls and outrageous behavior. See the David O. Russell film, Flirting with Disaster (1996) for further evidence. Tea is married to X-Files star David Duchovny. Of their years together, she has said, “I feel better. I feel hornier. I feel more womanly and more accomplished and prouder.” Isn’t that sweet?


Jenna Elfman

I’m throwing her in because some friends of mine who are in T.V. insist she is a genius, and awfully nice to boot. So maybe. She could get hair extensions and wear falsies. It’s been known to happen in Hollywood.